Lesbian Country Noir reprint.
“I fuckin hate that guy.” Leo and her twin brother lounged poolside watching the host of the party walk around trying to look good. “There anybody you don’t hate?”
Leo’s upper lip curled as Lenny watched her face. “His wife. I’d hit that raw.” Lenny pulled a face. “Man you nasty.”
Leo turned to look at him. “Shut up. You know you would. Look at her.”
Sissy Florentino was one fine mother fucker. Redbone with a cute fade and body for days. When she smiled at the twins they smiled back. “Yeah and she’s married and straight, what you gonna do?”
“She might be married but she ain’t straight. Imma fuck the ass off of her.” Lenny laughed. “This is not ‘Bound’ Leontyne and he’d kill you. Come on let’s go hit the bar.”
Leo went along but kept sneaking glances at Sissy. Lenny wandered away and Leo examined a bookshelf, muttering to herself. “Fuckin’ bullshit shit. You know he ain’t never read a thing on this shelf.”
Sissy spoke from her left, her Houston via New Orleans drawl made Leo shiver. “You’re right darlin’. That dummy ain’t hardly even looked at nary a one of these. You wanna see mine?”
Sissy’s tone was obscene and Leo smiled. “Mmhmm.”
Arm in arm they walked into Sissy’s study. It was pink and frilly and packed with overflowing bookshelves. Leo stared open mouthed. “Holy damn.”
Sissy stretched out on a pale ivory couch. “I have a modest little collection. You know my husband is dumber than a box of hammers so I gotta do something to keep myself entertained. See anything you like?”
Leo pulled a copy of Sappho’s poetry from the shelf. “I suppose I do.” Before she could say anything as nasty as she was thinking, Sissy’s husband, Johnny Blue –his cowboy horse shit name was just another reason she hated him- walked in.
“Ladies, my darlin’ girls. Look how pretty y’all are lookin. I am so pleased y’all have taken to each other. I just came in to tell you that the party is windin’ down so if you two want to go do your little girl talk or whatever that’s just fine. Us ole boys got some business to do.” Sissy rose and kissed his cheek, pouting. “Business? I was hoping we could spend some, quality time together.”
Her tone was so saccharine that Leo faked a little cough to cover a snort. Johnny beamed and hugged her. “Oh princess. Look, why don’t you have your little friend stay the night and y’all can go shopping tomorrow my treat?”
Sissy mewed like a kitten and sighed before answering. “I guess. But you owe me. We’re gonna go retire to my room. Send up some drinks?” Johnny squeezed his wife, then put a damp kiss on Leo’s cheek. He tipped his hat.
“G’night darlins.” The two women moved to stand next to each other, waved and smiled. They spoke in unison. “Night Daddy.”
Johnny turned an interesting shade of burgundy and left. Sissy rolled her eyes and smiled at Leo. “I hope you didn’t have other plans. I’ve been wanting to get to know you Miss Leontyne.” Leo let herself be led into a frilly frothy pink dream of a cowgirl dollhouse bedroom. Sissy spoke while she stripped.
“I know don’t ask. He thought I’d like it cause I grew up a little poor redbone girl in the Ninth Ward. So this is my lil Princess Cowgirl getaway. Now you gonna take that off or are we skinny dippin?” Leo bit her lower lip and took a few steps back.
“Hold on. Let’s get something straight. You tryin’ to fuck me or are we doing some straight girlfriend bonding thing?”
Sissy laughed. “You are cuter than shit. Bonding yes, straight no and how about you take off that damn dress. And might be fuckin at a later date. Clear?” Leo stripped and trailed Sissy into a marble and gold bathroom fit for two queens to get drunk in a tub full of bubbles.
#
Orla.
Months of night outs, shopping trips and columns in the tabloids about the exploits of Leontyne the Orla Cowgirl and Sissy the DFW Socialite, later Leo sat in the living room at the family homestead in Orla with her three favorite guns laid out in pieces to be cleaned. Marvin Gaye and Tammy Terrell crooned on the stereo and her cranky old dog lay watching her from a sunspot on the floor. “Lenny stop staring at me like that. I thought you lit out for the auction half hour ago, why you creepin’?”
“God damn it Leontyne, is this Johnny I kill mother fuckers for lookin Blue’s wife bucky naked, blowing you kisses with her fuckin’ pussy?” Leo giggled. “Yeah. He thinks we sext to help each other’s self-esteem. I’ll explain.”
Lenny sat and picked up the packed pipe. “God damn it. You silly some’ bitch I shoulda-. I knew yo sneaky ass was up to some shit. Riding horses, girl nights in Mexico, girlfriend Oprah shit-“
“Shut up Lenny. Stop having a hissy fit like some little girl. Smoke that shit and lemme explain.”
They mean mugged each other and Lenny relented first as usual. He smoked fine home grown Orla weed and listened. “Wait wait wait. So y’all ain’t fixin to kill him? He’s goin to jail? You callin a favor with the familia or what?”
Leo grinned at him. “There you go booboo. Now you got it. Before you ask Jr and them are already on board.”
It was a risky plan but, he liked the influence Sissy had on his sister. Most of Leo’s previous girlfriends had been irritating or experimenting and breaking her heart. He knew it was hard enough being out in Texas, in Orla it wasn’t a huge problem but he saw what it did to her.
Johnny loved the relationship between his girls. In an interview with some Dallas society gossip rag he bragged. “Well, I know how important lady friends are and those two are just two sweet peas in a pod. I introduced them you know.”
He was telling all of his douchebag associates that he was sleeping with both of them and that it was the greatest thing ever. Sissy had someone to talk to and do girly things with and he had free range ass in his two favorite shades, ebony and redbone.
While Johnny bragged to his shady associates, Sissy and Leo were falling in love in Orla. One night they lay together in one of the back pastures watching the stars. “Leo? I don’t think this is gonna work.” Leo sighed and took her hand. “I know. We need a new plan. He needs to die.”
They watched the stars and let the plan take shape. Naked they danced and fucked until the wee hours, everything was going to be okay.
Sissy’s job was to introduce her husband via a stripper named Peaches to crystal meth. Leo’s job was to invite Johnny out to Orla to party and finally let him make one of his lies true. The big night came after a few weeks of Johnny’s escalating meth use and mentions of his Red N Ebony three-way. “Sissy, I do not want to touch him.” Sissy was kneeling between Leo’s legs with a razor, shaking her head. “Calm down. Jesus. Don’t let a little dick ruin your damn day.”
Leo spread her legs wider and kept on complaining. “I thought he was gonna watch.” Sissy kept her eyes on her task. “He was but Peaches got him high as fuck and you know what happens when there’s meth and dick in the same room. Be still. Anyway, that sap is happier ‘n a two peckered dog. Dumb son of a bitch, has no idea what’s coming.” Leo grumbled while examining the job Sissy was doing on her pubes, “Oh good job ain’t I pretty?”
Sissy stood up laughing. “Rinse off you dirty ass bumpkin. Put on those booty shorts and I’ll go see if Daddy wants a drink.”
Maybe it was the lingering taste of Mt, Dew on it from the bottle the meth been shaken in or it was the prospect of finally getting what he’d been begging for, Johnny Blue went all the way the fuck in. He’d brought his own big baggy of shitty shake n bake meth, bottles of some bullshit pink booze for the girls and his priapic dick to the party.
“Ladies, what y’all been doin’ in there all this time? Oh my, Miss Leontyne don’t you look cute in them little shorts. You know how to give a lapdance princess?” Leo smiled in his face, turned her back and twerked. He hooted. “Yes, ma’am. Baby, baby look at all that there. That’s 100% grade A Texas ass right there, I tell you what.”
Before he got grabby, Sissy sat in his lap and got to work. While Leo stripped and bounced her ass, Sissy sat in Johnny’s lap alternating sweet nothings and weird twisted mutterings in his ear. “We’re gonna fuckin kill ya’ Daddy.” Johnny started. “What you say darlin?” Sissy batted her lashes at him, “what? Nothin’ are you okay?”
More meth, more ass, more meth. A few hours later he was sweating and red faced, trying to get them both in his lap. “Come on now ladies, be nice to Daddy and Daddy will be real nice to you.”
There was something brittle in his tone and his bloodshot eyes jittered in their sockets. It was time. Both women pulled away from him and stood half naked, arms crossed and staring at him. “We’ll be right back.” Sissy purred, Leo just glared. In the bathroom Leo made the call.
Leo dialed the local deputy Bucky, whispering into her phone. “Bucky, Bucky get over here right now. Johnny is…he’s-” Sissy took a big deep breath and let out a blood curdling scream. Leo followed suit and dropped her phone. Johnny busted in wild eyed and they stared up at him in horror. “Johnny, JOHNNY NO.” Johnny played his part beautifully, hollering at them both to shut up and when they cowered in the corner of the bathroom he did what men who do too much meth do, he started swinging.
It took no less than a Herculean effort on Leo’s part not to beat the dog shit out of him but that was not in the plan. What Johnny lacked in skill he made up for in effort. Within a minute both women’s faces were bloodied and their cries were of real pain. Leo made as if to go for the gun tucked into a barely open drawer when she heard sirens. She knew it took three minutes full out to get from Bucky’s place to hers, now it was up to Johnny not to shoot either of them before he got there.
“You son of a bitch. How dare you put your hands on me.” Sissy launched herself at him howling and he snatched the gun, turned and lumbered back towards the living room. The dog was running around the screened in back porch barking and howling, the music was blaring and Leo darted out and started throwing things not quite at Johnny’s head but close. She’d had time to pull on a camisole and she spat blood the floor. “Johnny what is wrong with you? Mother fucker get the fuck up out my house before I geld you.” Johnny was beyond reason and trying like hell to find the safety on the gun. Blue lights started to bounce off of the walls and Leo screamed louder.
Bucky came through the door like a raging bear. “Police! Put the gun down.” As Johnny drew down, he fired. One clean shot right in Johnny Blue’s lying ass forehead.
Sissy and Leo clung to each other sobbing, Bucky secured the gun and turned off the music. “What in the absolute fuck happened?”
The story came out over the next few weeks in all the papers. Headlines screamed, Notorious Gangster Johnathan “Blue” Florentino Shot Dead at scene of meth fueled assault. Shit like that. Leo and Sissy made their first public appearance a month after the funeral and stood together at a press conference trembling and sweet. “I just thank God that my husband is at peace now. He was a troubled man and I couldn’t help him. Thank you to the community of Orla for taking me in and making me one of their own.”
At home, Lenny sat across from Leontyne shaking his head as she painted Sissy’s toenails. “So that wasn’t planned?” Both women shook their heads. “And he just happened to go meth fuck crazy on Bucky’s one night off?” Leo looked up from her work. “Lenny, you know Orla takes care of its own.”
Lenny was quiet for a long moment and nodded at them both, “yeah it do. Orla takes care of its own.”