The Auditor

An Ode to the Satanic Pulpy Novels of Olde

[image description: a pair of black pointed toe ankle boots by Christian Laboutin AKA red bottoms]

Both Magisters in the newest offices of the church had spent a fortune to get ready for the arrival the ruling council to approve or disapprove the desecration of their new digs. “Master Godas, you have done so well. We are ahead of schedule, and everything is set for their arrival. I am most certain the auditor will be duly impressed.” Master Ammius smiled, “thank you brother. Would you be offended if we went over the checklist one more time?’ Both men settled at their not quite impossible to use modern art table in the sitting room and waited for their assistants to come in with the whiskey and snacks.

As they prepared for the ultimate test and rebirth, they decided to take a stroll through the new facility one more time. “Succubitus, come.” Two young, blonde women clad in only white veils came padding into the room. They were so well trained they could stop together, speak together and when called upon please their magisters when told to. “Yes, my lord?” Magister Ammius smiled his strange, lusty paternal smile. “Come along girls, carry our drinks.” They curtsied as they’d been taught and each of them took one of the drinks. Unlike in other temples, the girls had been trained to always present the Magisters preferred view, of their jiggling backsides of course.

“Excellency, your bags are packed, and we depart in two hours. Do you require anything for the flight?” The woman smiled, “no I think we got everything. Oh shit, did I pack my long black gloves? And my um-” she snapped her fingers, “the um, you know the fucking-” she flapped her hands and her assistant chuckled. “Yes, I packed your CPAP and your bonnets.” Her smile was big and bright, “yes shit thanks. I am going to take a shower and then I’ll be ready to go. You know once we wrap this up, are you down for some time in Tahiti? Let’s go to Tahiti and lay in the sun, eat and be chunky.” Her assistant helped her up and bowed deeply, “yes, your excellency. I will make the plans while you are meeting with the Magisters” She stopped to look up at him, “absolutely not. All my plans. On Dad’s dime. It’ll be better than the last time we hit Vegas.”

The Assistant, his proper title was Vaunted Consort Vonod, hustled her off to her shower and nap while he checked his list once more and when he heard the shower start, he called home. “Hello Vonod, is she ready?” Vonod had to work not to grin like a fool, he loved being so close to the boss. “Yes sir. She is packed and getting ready now. Do you still want me to administer the test?” The Boss hemmed for a minute, “no. I don’t believe it to be necessary. We’ll see how she handles things on her own. Have a safe flight Vonod.”

No new spaces had been fully sanctified in decades. Both Magisters were fully aware and had spent most of their adulthoods and fortunes to build the ultimate temple dedicated to their own power. Their temple oozed the type of power that most visitors even those who knew what it was, were in awe. Preparations had taken so long, the day they decided everything was ready they just knew, everything was falling into place.

At a small private airport fifty miles away, Vonod took her excellency by the hand, and she smiled up at him. “Do we have time for dim sum?” He tucked her little hand in the crook of his elbow and nodded for the men to bring their luggage, “perhaps if traffic isn’t too bad. Here, into the car. Now Manon, do remember we have to stop and put in an appearance with those social media people and after our evals we’ll need-” Manon loved Vonod so much, he was her everything.

“Yes Vonod. Just lead the way. Oh, charcuterie tray!” She climbed into the backseat of the armored SUV and squealed when she saw the neat arrangement of snacks on the center console. “Awww look at this note from Dad, for my best girl, good luck. Knock ’em dead. Love Dad.” She made a cute pouty face, “did you know about this?” Vonod smiled and climbed in behind her, “I did. He knows how much you love meat and cheese with meat on top.” Seeing Manon so happy was so good, Vonod was so grateful to have found himself being her caretaker.

They ate together and discussed various business tasks, planned outfits for photo ops and upon arriving at the hotel Vonod sent Manon ahead to settle into their suite and get ready for the main task. Upstairs she stripped and began her ritual ablutions. She ritually cleansed herself from head to toe, exfoliated and spent a full hour rubbing cocoa butter over every inch of her skin. She took her time to select the right everything from the scent she wore to the lipstick. The outfit she’d created months before. The initial look included a full length formal hooded cloak, including matching gloves and veils.

As the evening progressed, she would remove layers until she was ready to really get to work. She walked out of the suite dressing area and held up a beautiful cuff bracelet, “Vonod help please.” Her ever-faithful Vonod took the bracelet to put it on her. “Are you ready your eminence?” She rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck, “yeah, I think I’m good. I’m ready. Let’s do this.” She let him put the hood on her cloak up and secure the veil in place, he stepped back and looked her up and down with his lips pursed.

“You are a vision. I will contact the magisters to tell them we are on the way. The car will be downstairs waiting for you.” He walked off and she got her purse and headed out to go get in the car. She’d have never told Vonod but she was terrified. She’d never gotten to do one of the visits by herself, much less one so important. In the car there were her favorite pink orchids and another note from her father, she felt good, she felt ready. By the time Vonod got in she was calm and sipping her favorite sparkling water.

At the temple the magisters were barking orders at initiates to finish everything before her eminence arrived. When the call came the two men waited for the servants to leave the room before they joined hands and hopped up and down like schoolgirls, “she’s coming! Hail Lillith! Hail Satan!” They spent some time getting themselves together and when the driver called to let them know, they went downstairs and waited in the intimately lit foyer.

The initiates were each robed according to their positions, the succubitus wore matching sheer scarlet robes, their hair parted down the center to hang limp and stick straight over their shoulders. The Magisters were exceptionally proud of them, they’d searched for 2 years to find two girls with the correct measurements then spent another year perfecting their diets to keep them presentable. Inside the foyer, the walls glittered with inlaid gold, ever finish, every material had been carefully chosen to scream wealth and power. They were ready.

As the car pulled up Manon adjusted her veil and looked out the window. “Are you fucking kidding me with this? This looks like an 80s super villain had an orgy and shit gold leaf on it. This is an abomination. I hate it here.” Vonod patted her hand and turned her so he could fuss with her veil. “I know. Good thing, I mean given your propensity for blood shed.” That made her giggle, “only funny cause it is true. Okay do I look okay?” Vonod looked her up and down, plucked an imaginary piece of lint from her cloak and nodded. “Quite fine excellency. Show time.”

Vonod put on his most dour expression and once out of the car tucked his hands into his sleeves and looked down his narrow nose at their hosts as they emerged. “Welcome Vaunted Consort to her Excellency Manon the Magnificent.” Vonod let his thin upper lip curl slightly, he had the unique talent of broadcasting his displeasure on a level Manon found aspirational. “I will presume you have prepared the agreed upon greetings for her excellency.” The two magisters stepped aside, and Master Ammius spoke. “Succubitus, girls come along now now now.”

He clapped at the girls who had to trot to be in place. They faced the car, and each extended a hand, they bent slightly in a strange submissive posture. The driver opened the door to help Manon out, she was covered from head to ankles in her hooded cloak, the veil, boots and gloves. As the driver helped her out, the succubitus each held out her hand and trembled as Manon got close. She took each of their outstretched left hands and spoke to them low, “come close.”

The succubitus were well trained, they moved in near perfect unison. They kissed Manon’s gloved hands and moved close to her. Manon put her arms around each of them, they melted into her arms. “Listen to me beloveds, I will release you to your truth when the moment comes. Do you love me?” It took only the first utterance of beloveds to show the succubitus everything. They knew.

After the ritual greeting the succubitus lead Manon by the hand. When they got close to the magisters Manon let the girls go. “Go on and make ready.” She watched them scamper away then turned her attention to the Magisters. “Gentlemen.” The Magisters stepped aside to welcome her to their domain. Vonod trailed, jotting notes as Manon preferred. She said nothing as she walked the halls, the magisters yammered away at her.

“We are especially proud of this area. You see this bar? Well, this is one hand carved piece. Looks like real marble, right? We had this created custom for us. In shades of scarlet with the striations arranged in perfect Fibonacci…-” Manon tuned him out as he droned on and on about the myriad design choices they’d made. Everything from the outlets to the overly decorated everything was giving her a headache. Vonod understood her mood and moved to stand in front of her while she pretended to peruse a set of bookshelves,

“Gentlemen, her excellency will now need some time alone to contemplate and examine. Can you both show me your altar and now is a good time to go through the records you reported keeping.”

When they were all gone, she pulled a few of the books out and upon opening a copy of Herodotus and found, nothing. She plucked book after book from the shelves, and each was just a dummy, impressive titles on beautifully bound leather books all with gilt blank pages. She put each one back where it had been and smiled.

She walked out of the salon and headed for the ostentatious for no reason private sanctuary. She didn’t touch the wilting crudité or poorly chosen wine. Instead, she walked to stand in front of an enormous painting of Dad it was not a good likeness and he’d be upset about it when she told him. Vonod knew the routine and brought the magisters back ten minutes later. When they came in, she was standing, still fully cloaked and veiled on their altar stone with her hands held up in prayer.

“A te, de l’essere. Principio immenso. Materia e spirito. Ragione e senso.” When she looked down the magisters tried to look like they had any idea what she’d just said and failed. Instead, they raised their hands and started to cavort around arrhythmically chanting, “hail Satan! Hail Satan!” She rolled her eyes, but it was fine. “Of course. Vonod.” Vonod took her hand to help her down, the magisters dramatically threw off their cloaks to present their naked selves and threw themselves on the ground.

Vonod settled Manon and she walked around the prone men. She liked to walk in a way that made the most authoritative clack. The sound of her expensive too high heels on the marble floor made her smile before she started to speak. “Gentlemen, are you aware of what the nine sins are? Shut up. You called me here to bless your blasphemies and bestow upon you the powers agreed upon in your contracts. And you whom the raging pyre could not destroy, voices of destiny-no?”

Manon was getting bored, she smiled and started to walk away. “Rise magisters. I was quoting to you from the Inno O Satana, hymn to Satan by the esteemed beloved by Giosue Carducci. I am torn my loves. On one hand it honors us to be welcomed with nubile flesh and such thought about surroundings. And yet, neither of you bothered to do more.” She turned on her heel and raised her arms, “rise magisters and face me.”

The Magisters rose, she noted one of them had an erection. Of course he did. She began to loosen hidden ties in her cloak and it slid slowly off of her head and she watched their faces. As the heavy fabric pulled itself down Manon watched their confusion, discomfort, a little hate and desire run across their faces and when the cloak dropped to the floor with a soft whoosh they both gasped a little. She stood there 6’6” in her heels naked and gloriously Black. Brown skinned, juicy and smirking.

Master Godas’ face and chest turned several shades of burgundy before he pointed at her. “What is the meaning of this? We were expecting her excellency-” Manon glanced at him and he found himself unable to speak. His mouth jerked and gaped, she looked back at the other. “Master Ammius, care to chime in?” The other man wisely shook his head while Godas’ erection grew. Manon smiled as she walked around him, circling.

“Oh Master Godas, do you have a rage boner right now?” She threw her head back and cackled, the sound grew until it filled the building and both magisters were trembling before her. She raised her arms again, struck her favorite crucifixion pose, “this better? You thought you might get to sacrifice the purity of the devil’s only begotten daughter? I know what you planned. I know about the room; I know about the toybox. You thought my father would allow the ruined hands of men like you upon my flesh? Gentlemen.”

She turned her back and walked a bit away as if overwhelmed, Vonod took over. “Gentlemen I’m afraid her excellency has spoken. You shall not be given anything, and your bodies, blood, flesh and wealth are hereby forfeit as per the details in your contracts. As per the agreement, all is lost.” In the corner Manon was waiting, when she felt it come, she tipped her head back and Master Godas didn’t miss the way the ends of her braids tickled her ass and how it jiggled slightly with her breath. Then he noticed her breath, her entire torso was moving like a busy bellows.

Vonod was droning on in his unflappable monotone, Godas’ erection was flagging as he watched Manon. When her back bowed and he could see bone and muscle ripple under her skin he elbowed Ammius but, before either of them could plead she turned on them. Her brown skin stretched and became more luminous, her body solidified somehow until she was 6’6” of brown, hungry muscle.

“In conclusion gentlemen due to neither of you adhering to any of our guiding principles and blatant disregard for the nine sins, you shall be dispatched, and your holdings turned over to others.” When he finished, he glanced back at Manon caught her slight nod and stepped back. “I suggest you run.” They did, Manon roared, and the sound forced itself through the entire building and into the magister’s bones.

Manon was so tickled by the outraged terror of the men she giggled. “Succubitus, come.” The two women appeared at Manon’s elbow, they looked up at her with big happy eyes. “Hello, my darlings you were correct. Now, finish the ritual. I suggest eating Godas last. Vonod will return with your paperwork and our associate from Asher and Asher will be here tomorrow to help you get established and plan to fix, all of this. Questions ladies?”

As she spoke her body softened, she loved the girls and allowed her wings to unfurl and pull them close. Their contented puppy sighs made the pain worth it. The girls hugged her tight then after getting kisses and pats on the bottom they ran off squealing and grunting like wild boars, “come on guys I thought you liked us. Soooee! Here pig pig pig, here piggy piggy.”

Vonod had already picked up the cloak and waited at the door. “Ready then?” She nodded, “let’s go. I fucking hate it here.” She took Vonod’s arm and as they walked out, she used her free hand to knock over ever ugly vase like an annoyed cat. As Vonod helped her into her coat, she still nude save for her heels and gloves she cracked her neck. “I hope those girls bulldoze this monstrosity. Did you see that tacky ass new rich wainscotting? Ugh.”

In the car on their way to to the airstrip her phone rang. “Daddy hi.” The little screen showed only wavering darkness, a heat mirage suspended in dim light. “Hello pumpkin. How did it go? Should I send anyone?” She smiled, “no dad it was fine. Wait til you see the pictures that was literally the worst thing I have ever seen. I want to put it on reddit for people to destroy but I know I won’t. The succubitus were amazing. They are working now and will update us in a bit. Then after dinner Vonod, Eddie and I are going to Tahiti, and we’ll be unavailable.”

Dad giggled on the other end. Hardly anyone outside of the circle had heard his maniacal snorting giggle and it made Manon smile, “Daddy wait til you see the likeness of you they had. It was worse than white pumped Aryan Jesus.” That made him laugh harder, in several territories in the pit creatures and trapped souls all looked up and trembled at the thunderous hissy cackle. “I love you so much. Enjoy Tahiti sweetheart, don’t let Vonod get too drunk and hurt himself dancing again.” After a few blown kisses and promises to bring home a particular candy, off they went.

It would be said in various corners of existence that Manon was the true child of ole Split foot himself but, she’d never tell. Neither would her mother who upon the occasion of getting pregnant, told the man himself, to do his worst. And so, he released his one beloved daughter unto those who would pretend to blaspheme in his name. After their talk, he sat back smiling at his generals. “Is now, and ever shall be, Satan’s kingdom without End so it is done.”

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